on Autism

In American Sign Language, the sign for Autism is to make the letter A with both hands at the ears, then bring the a-fists around the front of the head until they meet, closing off the eyes.  The concept is Autism closes off the person from the world or creates a barrier between the person and the rest of society.

At a recent sign language class, there was a woman sitting next to me.  I'll call her Jane.  As my instructor, who is deaf, was telling a story about buying a new computer and giving his old one to his niece for Christmas, Jane laughed out loud and then under her breath whispered the word "shoes".  I was perplexed.  Nowhere had our instructor used the word "shoes" in his story, yet for some reason Jane thought the story was funny and had evidently been about footwear.  I surmised her receptive skills for sign language just weren't up as high as the other students in this advanced class.  As the instructor continued to tell different stories, Jane continued to be very amused, but always whispered incorrect words, sometimes nodding as if she agreed or understood when clearly she didn't.

When I mentioned this strange behavior to the instructor he informed me he suspected (or knew) Jane was a high-functioning Autistic person.  I was now fascinated.  Other than her mirthful joviality and sometimes misunderstanding the intent or subject of our teacher's stories, Jane seems downright common.  Her choice in winter sweaters is banal, her quick helpful nature (she jumped at the chance to fetch coffee for the class) is pleasant, her hair-do is well put together and her eagerness to talk to strangers admirable.  Yet if you listen to the meter of her voice, watch her mannerisms closely, there is definitely something there, almost indiscernible.  Or is it that I'm seeing things now which may not really be there; simple personality traits that make her distinctive but not autistic?

Aspergers Syndrome has recently been the cause celebre for Hollywood and television, or at least it has drawn special focus.  The show Community on NBC has a major character, Abed who supposedly has Aspergers.  The syndrome is marked by awkward social interactions, obsessions, and a lack of understanding of sarcasm or wit.  Abed speaks awkwardly, is obsessed with film and t.v., and in the first season certainly exhibited a lack of sarcastic comprehension, but as his character ages, he has become more and more "normalized" especially as his television associates become more and more eccentric with each season.  The recent movies "Adam" and "Mary and Max" both feature main characters dealing with Aspergers, as do a number of recent novels.  Last year's Amazing Race featured a man with Aspergers.  What is this sudden fascination?  It is fairly easy to create a character who has a "quirkiness" while still being for the most part "normal" by giving them the now familiar trait of Aspergers.  Gone are the days where an autistic character must be portrayed with fervent gusto by the likes of Dustin Hoffman in Rainman.

The United Kingdom conducted a wide survey of households and discovered about 1% of the total population had some form of autism, from severe to mild.  What was surprising is how many adults answered the survey that they "suspected" some kind of autism as an explanation for their own life-long condition.  The Los Angeles Times posted a recent article about the sudden "explosion" of autism cases in children, a nearly 20% rise over the last decade.  The problem with the concept of such a rise, they have determined, is that adults with autism have typically been diagnosed as retarded or even schizophrenic and either heavily medicated or locked away.  A study of adults in mental hospitals revealed a generous proportion of them were actually autistic.  The obvious conclusion is we are not really experiencing a dynamic up-shift in the number of autistic children, we are simply diagnosing it more often than a decade ago.  The number of autistic people in the American population is probably on par with the U.K. at 1%.

My sister and I have always joked she is a little bit crazy and I'm a little bit "retarded".  I will admit I have never been all that comfortable with being touched, it kind of gives me the creeps (my parents were not touchy-feely people).  I am very sensitive to sound and really can't stand loud noise (my father was the same way).  For most of my life I felt very awkward talking to people, and I can get very obsessed with certain subjects.  These could all be signs of high-functioning autism, albeit to a tiny degree.  Maybe the joke my sister and I tell each other has some validity.

on Schadenfreude

The Morrissey song goes "We hate it when our friends become successful".  We also delight in seeing people get their comeuppance.  So often a politico who stands firmly on an ultra-conservative "family values" position gets publicly outed when they are caught with a rent boy or as in the recent case of the Mississippi mayor who was investigated for shopping at a gay porn store.  The more these kinds of people set themselves up as moral pillars of the community, the farther they fall from grace when their hypocritical truth is revealed.  We eat it up with a spoon.

A good friend of mine has been working at an incredibly difficult job; a position that typically takes two or more people in other locations.  The board this friend has to deal with is impossible.  For instance, my friend has to do all the preparations for the board meetings and even take the minutes, even though there is a board secretary.  The board continually "tasks its members" to do projects, but they continually shirk their responsibilities and tell my friend to complete these tasks for them.  It's a ridiculous situation.  None of this was in the job description.  Therefore it is not surprising my friend is looking for work elsewhere.  My friend and I both wish the entire board will collapse in my friend's absence, but we both know they will persevere without a single lesson learned.  But oh what delight it would be if the whole organization collapses!

I blame television, books and movies.  These mediums always show us cause and effect.  If an evil doer causes problems, they will certainly end up badly.  Life, however, doesn't always go like that.  I guess that is why people cling so much to the concept of Hell and Heaven.  In this life evil people seem to get away with all their evil deeds while good people get punished with being poor or disease ridden.  People must believe that evil doers will be punished AFTER this life and good people will be rewarded.  It helps categorize things, makes sense out of a topsy-turvy world.


I know it is wrong to wish evil on someone.  Jesus turned the other cheek, but then he was Jesus.


A decorative plate hangs on our kitchen wall.  Printed on its face is a different take on the old 'serenity prayer' : "God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

And God turn the ankles of the people

who would do me wrong so that I 

may know them by their limp."

On Christian Love

A friend of mine comes from a very religious family and has a gay uncle.  I asked her how the family deals with her uncle and how the uncle deals with the family.

Her mother, I'll call her Ida had called her brother Bill in order for him to come to the family celebrations for Thanksgiving.  They spoke for quite a while.  She does not like his being homosexual, but she loves him and wants him in her life.  She really is just worried that at the end of it all he won't be there in Heaven beside her, and that makes her sad.  She let him know that she prays for his immortal soul out of love and kindness, not out of hatred or fear.

This seems a common thread I've been reading and hearing a lot about recently.  The Salvation Army, who have always been "anti-gay" issued the statement they only hate the sin, but love the sinner.  They don't believe in denigrating any human being, after all everyone is a sinner.

The love Ida has for her brother is genuine, and so are her faith inspired concerns.  She simply can not understand why Bill was still not coming over for Thanksgiving.  She only has love for him!

I wonder though if the shoe was on the other foot she would be so understanding?  Let's pretend I'm some kind of rabid Jew who believes the followers of Jesus are deluded.  If I were to tell Ida I'm praying for her to see the light and forget all this Jesus nonsense, after all I'm just worried she's going down the wrong path to salvation.  It's all out of love.  I wonder how she'd take it?  Would the simple fact I'm praying for her make her angry?  What if I was worshiping some other godly name, like Vishnu or Baal or Allah?  Would she get upset?  There are many people upset right now that they may have eaten a turkey for Thanksgiving that had been blessed in the name of Allah.  Somehow this tainted the turkey for them and endangered their immortal souls.  

Recently I was asked to speak to a room full of 13 year-olds at a Unitarian Church about my sexuality.  One question was brought up about the definition of being gay, bisexual, or straight.  It was explained there is a sliding scale (Kinsey) and most people do not fall directly on one end or another (fully gay or fully straight).  Bisexuals are a difficulty for gay people politically.  If a bisexual can truly choose which gender to pursue, then  sexuality becomes a choice.  If sexuality is a choice then everyone could choose to be straight.  Like Michele Bachmann just announced, "all gay people can marry as long as it is to someone of the opposite sex".  Problem solved.

If sexuality is not a choice, (as it wasn't for me) then the only thing people can "blame" is nature, and thereby God.  If God made us what we are, then it can't be wrong.  Sin must be a conscious act, except for the Catholics who believe in the stain of original sin from Adam & Eve which even newborn babies carry. If Ida's brother Bill was born gay, then all of Ida's prayers are actually just rails against nature, against God's wishes.  Is it really any wonder he didn't feel like going to her house for Thanksgiving?

on Coming Out

The headlines have been filled with missing babies, Eastern leaders captured or dead, and Star Trek movie star Zachary Quinto coming out of the closet as a gay man.  Why is this news, and does it really matter?

Many people will say, "who cares if you're gay or not, can't you just keep it to yourself?"  which is a very ignorant statement. A guy who sits in his office cubicle with a picture of his wife on his desk is considered a "good family man".  He is expected to bring his wife to company parties and events.  But what if he has a picture of his boyfriend or husband on the desk?  Trust me, I've been in that situation so many times!  It doesn't matter how liberal or diverse a company is, there will always be someone who will ask you "So what does your wife do?"  Luckily things have changed enough in many parts of the country that a reply of "My husband is a photographer" won't get you fired or lynched...sometimes.

Years ago Michelangelo Signorile used to write for the gay news magazine The Advocate (he's now on XM Sirius Radio) and he stirred up huge amounts of controversy by going on a campaign to out popular actors and actresses, politicians and sports players. Many gay people were aghast and wanted him to stop this practice, after all it's up to the individual to come out when they feel it is most appropriate.  Although I agree it is usually up to the individual, those people who are in the public eye need to come out soon or be forced out.  Like I said, it's controversial, but it's so important.  The more people that come out or are forced out, the more gays will be visible.  People are more likely to accept something that is not dark and shadowy, some fringe activity that the religious right can claim is evil, perverted, sinful and deserving of nothing but derision and avoidance.

When I was growing up there were no role models at all.  The only people I ever saw on t.v. or the movies were insane killers, twisted perverts, or the sad but funny sidekick.  These are the images the Religious Right still wants gay kids to see so that we won't "choose" this lifestyle.  Paul Lynde, (Hollywood Squares original Center Square and Bewitched's Uncle Arthur) who couldn't even remotely be considered straight, landed his own self-titled show.  The show's opening credits has Lynde opening the door to his home in a pose that said, "Hello, I'm fab-u-lous!", but then his wife comes up to give him a peck on the cheek and his daughter (played by Phil Silvers' daughter) smiles warmly.  How could such a show actually work?  Well, there were many, many households in America which looked exactly like this example.  If the show had continued maybe they would have introduced a new character, 'daddy's very close friend John, who will be staying in the guest room, and daddy will spend the night in there too because mommy kicks in her sleep'.

Recently a gay couple who have been together over 35 years invited Robert and me to a party at their house.  At the party they had hired a young gay college student to play piano.  When the party was winding down, many of the patrons gathered around the piano player and asked questions.  The first question was, "are you out?" to which the reply was an immediate "yes" but answered with a bit of shock.  Of course the young man was out, why wouldn't he be?  In the age of Ellen, Elton, Rosie, the L-Word, Queer as Folk, the Real World, Will & Grace, there are a lot of examples out there of gay people who are not tragic, psycho, or comedy relief.  One of the lesbian couples told how, when they were in their 20's or 30's they had to move around in bands or else they could get attacked.  They'd actually lost friends who, when walking to their car in the parking lot of a gay bar, were attacked and killed simply for being gay.

I was talking at another soiree to the parents of a young gay friend of mine.  The parents told me that Michael not only came out at a young age, he purposely spoke at an assembly at his high school, set up a Gay-Straight-Alliance club, and was very popular.  Times are definitely changing.

Now Spock is gay.  Well, not the character Spock of course, but at least the actor is out which is going to help even more young people feel that being gay is not a death-sentence.  This is the exact thing the religious right is so panicked about.  Good.

on Bad Neighbors

We used to live in a wonderful and artsy area of Portland, Oregon, just off Alberta Street.  The houses were all either traditional bungalows or Portland Style (four-square houses with the large front porches), or a combination thereof.  The neighbor to our South was a nice quiet family of four.  The father was a professor, the mother a retired teacher and the kids were smart, quiet, clean and polite.  Nearly every night I could see the mother and daughter washing dishes from an angled view out my kitchen window.

The neighbor to our West was a very elderly woman who required the use of a mechanical chair lift installed at her front porch.  You rarely even knew she was there except for the occasional whir and clang of the lift as she came home from grocery shopping.  Unfortunately this little old lady was getting forgetful and her granddaughter had discovered the gas stove left on far too many times.  The woman was put into a home and her two granddaughters moved in, along with their motorcycle-riding boyfriends.  From then on we were treated to extremely loud tailpipes, angry arguments, heated battles, sirens and cops blocking the street, loud death-metal music, and the near constant sound of that darned mechanical lift going up and down (all four persons living there were very, very obese).  They had two enormous dogs who would bark at any tiny instigation.  One day Robert was sitting on our porch swing when he heard the following loud declaration emanate from their house: "The whole house smells like shit, but I looked around and couldn't find any shit!"

Keeping it classy.

However, these were not our worst neighbors, by far.  To the immediate North was a man, probably in his fifties, who fancied himself to be a radio broadcaster.  There had been a fire in his house at some time in the past and for at least a decade the walls had no covering, just exposed studs and pink insulation.  He rarely ever left the house, but occasionally would have a few people staying there.  To his North was a small connector road which he would line up large boulders and park vehicles across so no one could use it.  His backyard and front porch was completely filled with horded items from broken washing machines to plastic chairs, all stacked up, rough and tumble with barely a pathway between.  He ran an electrical wire along the top of his fence to keep trespassers from entering.  And he erected a 50ft steel tower to broadcast his signals.

You would think he was breaking the law with the tower except that he didn't actually exceed the height limit for "antennae" in the city.  He also typically kept his amplification rate just barely under the legal limit.  This really didn't matter much because all the houses in the area, including ours, had old knob & tube electrical wiring. While this kind of wiring is fairly safe (despite many people's panic about "old" wiring) it kind of acts like a giant antenna, turning your house into a giant receiver.  When we'd plug in anything that had a speaker, including our telephone, it didn't matter if the item was turned on or not, the speakers would broadcast anything our neighbor was outputting.  Neighbors got together and complained to the FCC and to the councilpersons, but he was actually within the letter of the law.

I still remember a conversation I had with my grandmother.  She had called me and suddenly the neighbor began to broadcast his intermittent "show" which consisted mostly of saying "holy guacamole" over and over with an echo, or playing one of those Christmas songs featuring dogs barking the tune.  This time he was repeating, "you're a dirty bitch, you're a dirty bitch", to which my Grandmother replied, "what did you say, Bud?"  I tried to explain that it wasn't me, but his volume was far too high for me to get this across.

We even tried to talk to him, but it seems we were part of the "establishment trying to take him down".  He was paranoid and delusional and felt this radio broadcasting was his way to get back at the "man".

I don't miss him.

on Free Speech

Ah, the first amendment to our United States Constitution; what would we do without it?

This one little amendment has been fought for and against in courts, in Congress, everywhere throughout the U.S., for all of our history.  What are we allowed to say, where, when and how is the subject of many contentious fights.  The amendment itself states very plainly that "Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble".  However, it doesn't mention laws made outside of Congress.


This is how we got obscenity laws which certainly do abridge the freedom of speech.  If something is obscene (a very vague and varied definition by the way) then citizens no longer have the right to say it, print it, distribute it, or even own it privately.  Yes, by definition you are not actually allowed to own pornography in your own homes.  This is how officials can break in (with a search warrant, unless it's deemed some kind of terrorism activity) take your computer and search for anything "obscene".  Now regular ol' porn will probably be permitted in most cases, but are you 100% sure every person shown in that pornography is of legal age?  Did you know the legal age varies depending on whether or not that person is engaged in "straight" or "gay" sex?  Yup, varied definition for sure.


What about "sexting"?  Should a high school student be sent to prison for the 'distribution of pornography' after she sent nude photos of herself to her boyfriend, who shared them with his friends?  A few years ago a woman was arrested for child pornography because she took photos of her baby in the bath tub and (rather stupidly) sent them out as a Christmas card.  More recently, this past summer, a major book store chain covered up a magazine because it featured a topless male model; a model that is renowned for having a very feminine face.  Because he looked like a woman, but had exposed MALE breasts, they felt they needed to cover it up "for the sake of the children".  Why is nudity so highly sexualized in America?  A family in Florida recently tried to sue their next door neighbor because the neighbor had two 4ft tall statues of the David which of course has exposed genitals.  The woman exclaimed, "what if my little boy saw that statue?"


People can peaceably assemble, this is our right guaranteed by the Constitution, and Congress can't make a law which prevents this.  However, if the assembly is deemed terrorist in any way then the "peaceably" portion kicks in and the gathering can be quashed, even in private locations.  Also, governments, Federal and Local can make laws stating the people must apply and be approved for a permit to gather in public places, presumably due to security and maintenance concerns.  If someone in the governing body determines they do not approve or like why the people are assembling, they can simply not approve the permit, or revoke it later at their discretion.


I've devoted quite a few blog posts about the power of words.  People certainly have the right to say whatever they want, but they must understand they have to accept the consequences of that freedom.  If someone shouts on a street corner (or Facebook for that matter) the company they work for is terrible, then that company has a right to fire them over it.  Sure, the person had every right to knock their employer, but the employer has a right to protect their image from slander.  If a person stands on a street corner (or again, Facebook) decrying a certain ethnicity, personality trait, etc., it is certainly their right, but what if it incites violence or degradation of the ethnicity, etc.?  This can be considered "hate speech" and can be outlawed. 


The Press is allowed to print whatever it wants.  However, there have been laws enacted which prevent certain claims by advertisers.  There used to be rules regulating how the media could portray the "truth", but those regulations were mostly gutted during the first few years of Bush Jr.  Now we have Fox and many other "news" organizations making up whatever they want to and sometimes running an obscure apology if caught.  Most of the time now, the media doesn't care if it's blatantly lying.  An acquaintance once told me major news
agencies will never get eclipsed by bloggers because no one would know whom to trust in the blogosphere. Do we know who to trust in the major news agencies?  The Egyptian uprising, now part of the so called "Arab Spring" was first reported from the site with hand held phones and broadcast over Facebook and Twitter.  The major news agencies were at least 8 hours behind.  Where will our news come from in the future, and will it be trustworthy?





  

on Recognition

I was watching a short film the other day and suddenly got a terrible case of Deja Vu.  I could have sworn I'd seen this particular scene.  A few minutes later the feeling subsided.  Deja Vu is not a prediction, or a memory from a past life.  It's a random misfiring in the memory center of your brain, giving you the sudden feeling of recognition without actual memory connections.  If you think you're suddenly having a psychic moment, try your hardest to predict what is going to happen next.  Once the next thing happens your brain will still trigger the recognition, but you won't be able to predict it.  A string of these recognitions will eventually alert the warning centers of the brain, telling you something ominous or wonderful is about to occur.  This is a defense mechanism scientists are still trying to work out.

Pattern recognition is an ability we are born with.  Babies see the shapes of faces, regardless of orientation (whether the face is upside down, sideways or right side up).  Eventually, before they can really focus, they can recognize their parents' or caregivers' faces from strangers.  Our brains can pick shapes, color, darkness & lightness out of nearly any image and turn it into a face, a body, or anything we can recognize.

Sometimes, if I wake up in the middle of the night and look at one of the pictures on the wall, or the lamp at the bedside, the shape may be common, but my brain can't recognize it.  It may take up to a minute or two for me to finally realize it's just a lamp and not a person standing there.  Sometimes I actually get angry because my brain searches for a reason that the painting on the wall is unrecognizable and comes up with an excuse: obviously that picture has been switched out by my partner.  If I'm still mostly asleep my brain may concoct an entire story about why the picture has been replaced. As I wake up and the picture's details emerge more clearly it will trigger the recognition and I will now remember where it came from and that it is the very same picture hanging on the wall for years.  I imagine this is how Alzheimer's disease feels as those memories disappear and all the familiar things and people no longer trigger recognition.