on Coming Out

The headlines have been filled with missing babies, Eastern leaders captured or dead, and Star Trek movie star Zachary Quinto coming out of the closet as a gay man.  Why is this news, and does it really matter?

Many people will say, "who cares if you're gay or not, can't you just keep it to yourself?"  which is a very ignorant statement. A guy who sits in his office cubicle with a picture of his wife on his desk is considered a "good family man".  He is expected to bring his wife to company parties and events.  But what if he has a picture of his boyfriend or husband on the desk?  Trust me, I've been in that situation so many times!  It doesn't matter how liberal or diverse a company is, there will always be someone who will ask you "So what does your wife do?"  Luckily things have changed enough in many parts of the country that a reply of "My husband is a photographer" won't get you fired or lynched...sometimes.

Years ago Michelangelo Signorile used to write for the gay news magazine The Advocate (he's now on XM Sirius Radio) and he stirred up huge amounts of controversy by going on a campaign to out popular actors and actresses, politicians and sports players. Many gay people were aghast and wanted him to stop this practice, after all it's up to the individual to come out when they feel it is most appropriate.  Although I agree it is usually up to the individual, those people who are in the public eye need to come out soon or be forced out.  Like I said, it's controversial, but it's so important.  The more people that come out or are forced out, the more gays will be visible.  People are more likely to accept something that is not dark and shadowy, some fringe activity that the religious right can claim is evil, perverted, sinful and deserving of nothing but derision and avoidance.

When I was growing up there were no role models at all.  The only people I ever saw on t.v. or the movies were insane killers, twisted perverts, or the sad but funny sidekick.  These are the images the Religious Right still wants gay kids to see so that we won't "choose" this lifestyle.  Paul Lynde, (Hollywood Squares original Center Square and Bewitched's Uncle Arthur) who couldn't even remotely be considered straight, landed his own self-titled show.  The show's opening credits has Lynde opening the door to his home in a pose that said, "Hello, I'm fab-u-lous!", but then his wife comes up to give him a peck on the cheek and his daughter (played by Phil Silvers' daughter) smiles warmly.  How could such a show actually work?  Well, there were many, many households in America which looked exactly like this example.  If the show had continued maybe they would have introduced a new character, 'daddy's very close friend John, who will be staying in the guest room, and daddy will spend the night in there too because mommy kicks in her sleep'.

Recently a gay couple who have been together over 35 years invited Robert and me to a party at their house.  At the party they had hired a young gay college student to play piano.  When the party was winding down, many of the patrons gathered around the piano player and asked questions.  The first question was, "are you out?" to which the reply was an immediate "yes" but answered with a bit of shock.  Of course the young man was out, why wouldn't he be?  In the age of Ellen, Elton, Rosie, the L-Word, Queer as Folk, the Real World, Will & Grace, there are a lot of examples out there of gay people who are not tragic, psycho, or comedy relief.  One of the lesbian couples told how, when they were in their 20's or 30's they had to move around in bands or else they could get attacked.  They'd actually lost friends who, when walking to their car in the parking lot of a gay bar, were attacked and killed simply for being gay.

I was talking at another soiree to the parents of a young gay friend of mine.  The parents told me that Michael not only came out at a young age, he purposely spoke at an assembly at his high school, set up a Gay-Straight-Alliance club, and was very popular.  Times are definitely changing.

Now Spock is gay.  Well, not the character Spock of course, but at least the actor is out which is going to help even more young people feel that being gay is not a death-sentence.  This is the exact thing the religious right is so panicked about.  Good.