Tuesday, May 10, 2011

on Mementos

Near the end of the play (and subsequent movie) by Harvey Fierstein, Torch Song Trilogy, the main character Arny collects three objects into his lap.  Each one represents the supporting characters from all three acts of the play.  Each object is imbued, by Arny, with the memories of these loved ones.

Some people may argue objects themselves somehow absorb memories, emotions, or energies of people, events, and environments surrounding them.  Many religions believe in the power of objects as not only symbols but actual repositories of such energies.  Some Native American and Eastern religions and philosophies give objects souls.  In Judaism an object can be holy and worthy of respect if it has been blessed or made sanctified by ritual.  For Catholics an object can hold power if it contains a tiny piece of a saint.

I am surrounded by objects that don't necessarily have a function.  There are vases and statuettes that don't have any use except as decoration.  I am disappointed if one of these objects break because they are pretty, but I have no problem selling these off if I need the room or feel the objects have become intrusive.

However, I also have many objects that once belonged to a cherished person, or was bought or created at a certain time in my life.  There are many objects around our home which reflect a particular event in our life together.  These objects have some power, but really only to me or those close to me.  I would be sad to see these broken, sold or abandoned.  On the other hand, if a storm came and destroyed them, or I became so destitute I could no longer hold onto them, I would be sad, but I could still live without them.  I have my memories and don't necessarily require objects to stir them up.  My life and memory doesn't depend on owning objects.

There's no telling what object will have nostalgic value to a person.  A lamp owned by my grandmother may have very little actual value on the market, but it has value to me.  However, I only have a few such items.  I don't need everything my grandmother used or touched in order for me to cherish her memory.  Some memories are too painful to be constantly reminded of them.  I don't want objects around me that are depressing.  I did not keep the last book my mother read before succumbing to cancer, even though we found a letter to us inside its covers.  The book was just a book.  It didn't remind me of my mother; I never saw her reading it.  There were other items from my mother I did keep and have fond memories of, but the book represents a painful memory and I will not allow objects to have that kind of power over me.

When people allow objects to have power over them, they become hoarders.  There are different kinds of hoarders such as shopaholics, but those who keep boxes of items, unopened because the memories are too painful, are allowing objects to hold sway over their lives.  The same goes for people who need to keep nearly everything their loved ones once owned, as if volume of objects makes up for their loss or replaces the missing person.

As I get older and more aware of my mortality, I know the items from my childhood are losing their memento value.  Having too many of these items clutter up our lives.  I keep thinking some day I'll get out my N-gauge train set and set it up, despite having no room for such an endeavor.  I'm not ready to give in just yet; there still may be time and a place to set up the trains, but I've begun to give up on many other childhood items. A foray into Ebay is in my near future.

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