on Autism

In American Sign Language, the sign for Autism is to make the letter A with both hands at the ears, then bring the a-fists around the front of the head until they meet, closing off the eyes.  The concept is Autism closes off the person from the world or creates a barrier between the person and the rest of society.

At a recent sign language class, there was a woman sitting next to me.  I'll call her Jane.  As my instructor, who is deaf, was telling a story about buying a new computer and giving his old one to his niece for Christmas, Jane laughed out loud and then under her breath whispered the word "shoes".  I was perplexed.  Nowhere had our instructor used the word "shoes" in his story, yet for some reason Jane thought the story was funny and had evidently been about footwear.  I surmised her receptive skills for sign language just weren't up as high as the other students in this advanced class.  As the instructor continued to tell different stories, Jane continued to be very amused, but always whispered incorrect words, sometimes nodding as if she agreed or understood when clearly she didn't.

When I mentioned this strange behavior to the instructor he informed me he suspected (or knew) Jane was a high-functioning Autistic person.  I was now fascinated.  Other than her mirthful joviality and sometimes misunderstanding the intent or subject of our teacher's stories, Jane seems downright common.  Her choice in winter sweaters is banal, her quick helpful nature (she jumped at the chance to fetch coffee for the class) is pleasant, her hair-do is well put together and her eagerness to talk to strangers admirable.  Yet if you listen to the meter of her voice, watch her mannerisms closely, there is definitely something there, almost indiscernible.  Or is it that I'm seeing things now which may not really be there; simple personality traits that make her distinctive but not autistic?

Aspergers Syndrome has recently been the cause celebre for Hollywood and television, or at least it has drawn special focus.  The show Community on NBC has a major character, Abed who supposedly has Aspergers.  The syndrome is marked by awkward social interactions, obsessions, and a lack of understanding of sarcasm or wit.  Abed speaks awkwardly, is obsessed with film and t.v., and in the first season certainly exhibited a lack of sarcastic comprehension, but as his character ages, he has become more and more "normalized" especially as his television associates become more and more eccentric with each season.  The recent movies "Adam" and "Mary and Max" both feature main characters dealing with Aspergers, as do a number of recent novels.  Last year's Amazing Race featured a man with Aspergers.  What is this sudden fascination?  It is fairly easy to create a character who has a "quirkiness" while still being for the most part "normal" by giving them the now familiar trait of Aspergers.  Gone are the days where an autistic character must be portrayed with fervent gusto by the likes of Dustin Hoffman in Rainman.

The United Kingdom conducted a wide survey of households and discovered about 1% of the total population had some form of autism, from severe to mild.  What was surprising is how many adults answered the survey that they "suspected" some kind of autism as an explanation for their own life-long condition.  The Los Angeles Times posted a recent article about the sudden "explosion" of autism cases in children, a nearly 20% rise over the last decade.  The problem with the concept of such a rise, they have determined, is that adults with autism have typically been diagnosed as retarded or even schizophrenic and either heavily medicated or locked away.  A study of adults in mental hospitals revealed a generous proportion of them were actually autistic.  The obvious conclusion is we are not really experiencing a dynamic up-shift in the number of autistic children, we are simply diagnosing it more often than a decade ago.  The number of autistic people in the American population is probably on par with the U.K. at 1%.

My sister and I have always joked she is a little bit crazy and I'm a little bit "retarded".  I will admit I have never been all that comfortable with being touched, it kind of gives me the creeps (my parents were not touchy-feely people).  I am very sensitive to sound and really can't stand loud noise (my father was the same way).  For most of my life I felt very awkward talking to people, and I can get very obsessed with certain subjects.  These could all be signs of high-functioning autism, albeit to a tiny degree.  Maybe the joke my sister and I tell each other has some validity.

on Schadenfreude

The Morrissey song goes "We hate it when our friends become successful".  We also delight in seeing people get their comeuppance.  So often a politico who stands firmly on an ultra-conservative "family values" position gets publicly outed when they are caught with a rent boy or as in the recent case of the Mississippi mayor who was investigated for shopping at a gay porn store.  The more these kinds of people set themselves up as moral pillars of the community, the farther they fall from grace when their hypocritical truth is revealed.  We eat it up with a spoon.

A good friend of mine has been working at an incredibly difficult job; a position that typically takes two or more people in other locations.  The board this friend has to deal with is impossible.  For instance, my friend has to do all the preparations for the board meetings and even take the minutes, even though there is a board secretary.  The board continually "tasks its members" to do projects, but they continually shirk their responsibilities and tell my friend to complete these tasks for them.  It's a ridiculous situation.  None of this was in the job description.  Therefore it is not surprising my friend is looking for work elsewhere.  My friend and I both wish the entire board will collapse in my friend's absence, but we both know they will persevere without a single lesson learned.  But oh what delight it would be if the whole organization collapses!

I blame television, books and movies.  These mediums always show us cause and effect.  If an evil doer causes problems, they will certainly end up badly.  Life, however, doesn't always go like that.  I guess that is why people cling so much to the concept of Hell and Heaven.  In this life evil people seem to get away with all their evil deeds while good people get punished with being poor or disease ridden.  People must believe that evil doers will be punished AFTER this life and good people will be rewarded.  It helps categorize things, makes sense out of a topsy-turvy world.


I know it is wrong to wish evil on someone.  Jesus turned the other cheek, but then he was Jesus.


A decorative plate hangs on our kitchen wall.  Printed on its face is a different take on the old 'serenity prayer' : "God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

And God turn the ankles of the people

who would do me wrong so that I 

may know them by their limp."

On Christian Love

A friend of mine comes from a very religious family and has a gay uncle.  I asked her how the family deals with her uncle and how the uncle deals with the family.

Her mother, I'll call her Ida had called her brother Bill in order for him to come to the family celebrations for Thanksgiving.  They spoke for quite a while.  She does not like his being homosexual, but she loves him and wants him in her life.  She really is just worried that at the end of it all he won't be there in Heaven beside her, and that makes her sad.  She let him know that she prays for his immortal soul out of love and kindness, not out of hatred or fear.

This seems a common thread I've been reading and hearing a lot about recently.  The Salvation Army, who have always been "anti-gay" issued the statement they only hate the sin, but love the sinner.  They don't believe in denigrating any human being, after all everyone is a sinner.

The love Ida has for her brother is genuine, and so are her faith inspired concerns.  She simply can not understand why Bill was still not coming over for Thanksgiving.  She only has love for him!

I wonder though if the shoe was on the other foot she would be so understanding?  Let's pretend I'm some kind of rabid Jew who believes the followers of Jesus are deluded.  If I were to tell Ida I'm praying for her to see the light and forget all this Jesus nonsense, after all I'm just worried she's going down the wrong path to salvation.  It's all out of love.  I wonder how she'd take it?  Would the simple fact I'm praying for her make her angry?  What if I was worshiping some other godly name, like Vishnu or Baal or Allah?  Would she get upset?  There are many people upset right now that they may have eaten a turkey for Thanksgiving that had been blessed in the name of Allah.  Somehow this tainted the turkey for them and endangered their immortal souls.  

Recently I was asked to speak to a room full of 13 year-olds at a Unitarian Church about my sexuality.  One question was brought up about the definition of being gay, bisexual, or straight.  It was explained there is a sliding scale (Kinsey) and most people do not fall directly on one end or another (fully gay or fully straight).  Bisexuals are a difficulty for gay people politically.  If a bisexual can truly choose which gender to pursue, then  sexuality becomes a choice.  If sexuality is a choice then everyone could choose to be straight.  Like Michele Bachmann just announced, "all gay people can marry as long as it is to someone of the opposite sex".  Problem solved.

If sexuality is not a choice, (as it wasn't for me) then the only thing people can "blame" is nature, and thereby God.  If God made us what we are, then it can't be wrong.  Sin must be a conscious act, except for the Catholics who believe in the stain of original sin from Adam & Eve which even newborn babies carry. If Ida's brother Bill was born gay, then all of Ida's prayers are actually just rails against nature, against God's wishes.  Is it really any wonder he didn't feel like going to her house for Thanksgiving?